The statistics are grim – every 13 seconds, someone gets divorced in America. While experts say the number of divorces is fewer now than in the 1980s, they are quick to point out that the overall number of marriages has also declined. Fewer people are getting married, so fewer people are getting divorced. But a statistic seldom reported tracks what happens after they get divorced. As it turns out, most divorced people (3 out of 4) will remarry; yet the odds of a successful remarriage are not good. Various sources report that 40% of first marriages end in divorce, 60% of second marriages fail, and 73% of third marriages also fail.
While most see this as a problem, one couple sees it as an opportunity for helping remarried couples learn how to overcome the relationship obstacles of the past and create a new life of “bliss.”
“We define ‘bliss’ as the freedom to love and to be loved in abundance, with complete forgiveness, and without judgment,” says Stephen and Sonji Millet, authors of the best-selling book, Talk Straight Dammit: How to Turn Negative, Limiting Beliefs Into Powerful Actions to Create a Life of BLISS.
Known as transformational speakers and relationship intimacy experts, Stephen and Sonji believe their diverse backgrounds uniquely qualify them to provide creative solutions to relationship problems – not because they are perfect, but because they can relate. Sonji is Stephen’s fourth wife, whom he affectionately refers to as “Number Last.” They both describe their current relationship as “still being on our honeymoon after 11 blissful years.”
“We work with couples and individuals who have been in a bad relationship and who feel that they need to make sure that they find the right one next time,” the Millets say. “True happiness is a real possibility. Many people have given up on that, based on their experience in life and what they see around them. But we want to let people know that you can have a blissful, harmonious relationship.”
Through public speaking, workshops and online courses, the Millets help their clients solve problems such as lack of intimacy, how to communicate what you really want and desire, and how to talk about money without fighting. A key strategy they teach is learning how to “talk straight.”
“‘Talk Straight Dammit’ is what we say to each other to give a gentle reminder when what we are communicating is not in alignment with our dreams,” Stephen says. “If I said something negative, then my wife would declare to me nicely, ‘Talk Straight Dammit!’ Then we would both laugh and figure out how to convey the same message in a positive way.”
Within this no-nonsense, “talk straight” approach to communication, the Millets offer some helpful tips for reprogramming negative mindsets that can derail any relationship.
(1) Close the door on negative comments. “To ‘talk straight,’ half the battle is recognizing when negative comments are said about you, by you and others, then rejecting them,” Stephen and Sonji say. “If you recognize the negativity, you can replace the words in that moment with positive words.”
(2) Cultivate a positive, supportive environment. “Your environment can direct how you speak to yourself. If you hang around negative people, it will start to affect your outlook on life,” says Stephen and Sonji. “You need positive and supportive people in your life to help you become positive.”
(3) Create and speak positive affirmation statements. “Post them on your mirror, in your car, at your desk, on your phone, everywhere,” Stephen and Sonji recommend. “Tell your friends who are encouraging to remind you when they hear you speak negatively. Over time, you will begin to hear yourself talking straight.”
As with any personal development effort, it will take time and patience – especially when working together as a couple. “Don’t be discouraged when you don’t see immediate results,” Stephen and Sonji advise. “The more you say these positive messages and see circumstances start to change, the more you will begin to believe them. Hiring a good relationship coach will greatly speed up the process.”
“Stephen and Sonji have helped me change my life by changing my thinking,” says Sheila M., who participated in one of the Millets’ workshops. “They have helped me to examine the beliefs that kept me from achieving my potential. I still have a long way to go but I will find my bliss.”
“Our three main objectives are communication, kindness, and fun,” Stephen says. “If you can focus on those three things, you can ignite your relationship, you can ignite your ‘sexy,’ you can even learn to have fun.”
Stephen and Sonji Millet are transformational speakers and relationship intimacy experts who help people create life-affirming personal and professional relationships by teaching them to push past their negative limiting beliefs to ignite their bliss. The Millets provide speaking, coaching, training and reading materials that are easy to understand with real life examples. They are authors of the best-selling book, Talk Straight Dammit: How to Turn Negative, Limiting Beliefs Into Powerful Actions to Create a Life of BLISS.
For more information on products, programs, and speaking events with Stephen and Sonji Millet, visit MyBlisstopia.com.
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